For Emma, Forever Ago

*when you read this, know that it was written for you – played to the tune of Bon Iver, of course, For Emma, Forever Ago… because how could it not be?*

Emma, you beautiful person,

The date is 04/03/2012, or I guess – if it’s in your language: 03/04/2012.

As promised and produced,

Enjoy. (You’re the bees knees.)

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20 REAZONZ UR’E THA FETCHEST CHICK ‘N TOWN

20.) You sport more crosses than a Catholic Nun…. You make it work. Your spinning ring makes me spin— ( eh, eh, que bien, en)

19.) Childhood nickname? “Tom Hooper”– Such a lesbian child. Also, you’re secretly a daddy’s girl.

18.) You took off my boots when I fell asleep on the bed that night. (I was awake by the way.)

17.) You have “a blue dress.” (the blue dress.) Never wanna see you in it, but i like knowing it’s there.

16.) You make me laugh on the treadmill. Have to stand on the side to read your messages. Watch the time tick by as I write you back and rephrase my messages 100 times.

15.) You’re so intimidatingly intelligent I’ve been known to frequent dictionary.com to check my spelling before I send a message. (curmudgeon… didn’t know it.)

14.)  On that note, when you ask me if I know a certain comedian/actor/writer/politician, generally speaking about 25% of the time I have no idea who you’re talking about, but I nod along anyway. Wikipedia has been a friend.

13.) “Who’s ya mate?” Maybe I’ll tire the phrase out now that you’ve left, but I like to think it’ll always be yours to mumble, pissed off, on the train.

12.) Italian wraps. Grande coffees. You don’t like cheese yet enjoy caldo de pollo, get screwed out of Panani’s, choke down squid, hide the chocolate from the kids, eat 4 fries at Peggy Sue’s Diner, have a random bag of chips after school, don’t eat at all, forget food exists, have an orange on Skype, chocolate in bed…. i’ll never understand your food patterns. “Highly Anorexic.” Let’s work on that, together.

11.) “no me mires” “no me persigues” “no me juzgues” “no te preocupes” “no me toques” “no me cuentes”… never gets old. Tambien, you’re better at Spanish than you ever gave yourself credit for.

10.) The way you switch personalities when your host mum walks in the room. Voice gets about an octave higher, get this british-spanish accent going, giggles galore. “I’d love to watch the Notebook, Marta.” You’re a wanker. I love it.

9.) Your favorite band is Coldplay. Like come on. But your Spotify makes me spin. Certain songs forever tainted with your memory. Talking Heads, Cure, Maccabees, This Modern love, Tegan & Sara, Sheila, Not Nineteen Forever, KEEP ME IN YOUR HEART FOR AWHILE (bawling on the Ronda bus, QUE BIEN)

8.) You’ll order food at a restaurant and eat it regardless of what comes out.

7.) James Dean, Elizabeth Salander, T-Pain, Daniel Radcliffe, Freud, Eminem, Anti-establishment consumes you-

6.) The nails, those stubby little chewed nails.

5.) “I know everything about 9-11. Conspiracies? I know them all.” “I fell asleep with a diary of anne frank book on my face.” “Pearl Harbor- Dec 7, 1941.” “Roe vs. Wade?” “Brown vs….”  “The BMJ, that’s the British Medical Journal if you didn’t know” “I’m so smart i just spout off dates to everything, my name’s Emma H****”– In seriousness, you really make me look bad. Hemingway is nothing in comparison.

4.) “Sister child bitch just stole my chain! Hope she realizes metal can’t be eaten.” “Idiot kid just got really annoyed at me because she called for the dog and he’s running over to me.” “aforementioned idiot kid left her glasses in Granada.” “Asked girl-i-hate “himhum” to help me because Nacho pissed himself and refused to come with me to the bathroom, himhum then said ‘no puedo’ and and….”  “Nacho just tried to bite my tattoo off.” “Just walked into the kitchen to find food ready for three kids and not me” “Oh I tell a lie… i have a bowl of leftover squid. What nightmares are made of..” ——-You make me laugh at every type of moment, at every passing life situation. You know how to make it bearable. Know how to make every moment seem like a substantial one, know how to bring humor into my life when I can’t find it.

3.) As much as I may beg, you will never smile properly in a photo, never like your messy hair, your “stubby” legs– you’re humble, but remember to like yourself. you’re not as dysfunctional as you think.

2.) Because you’re hurt, because you’ve been hurt and hurt others. Because you’re self-destructive, can be your own worst enemy, don’t think, think for others, not for yourself, live as you please, made mistakes, made them again, and you can talk about it. Because you’re real. and you can be real and you’ve lived a life that’s made you real.

1.) And mostly, my dear, mostly because something about you is so endearing, so inexplicably incomprehensible to me, that for a moment in time, for every day I saw you and watched you and felt your presence in my life, you made me want to take the only way of existence I’ve ever known, ever felt comfortable in, and throw it away. You made me want to be a different person. and for a moment in time, I lived a way in which i chose. That was completely my choice.

And that’s because of you, and this person I see inside you. Man, Woman, Ape – I think, sometimes, these things we feel are out of our control. Maybe nothing is ever ours to understand — Linds

*sent 2012, living in Spain, when she left to go back home.